Why Don’t You Just Marry Them?!


…long, loooong ago…

High Waisted 50s.jpg

For someone so adamantly against marriage, I sure was fixated on it.

“If you love them so much why don’t you just MARRY THEM?!” I scream at no one in particular in the above post.

I think I stole this turn of phrase from my mother. One day while we were riding in the car I was waxing on about how much I looooved pizza! I love it! Love it, love it, love it! Then, my mother, generally a rather reserved, conservative woman, looked at me and said “well, if you love it so much why don’t you marry it?” It was a bizarre outburst from a usually predictable woman. But it was funny – and funny sticks to me like chewing gum in a tangle of hair.

What if we could marry inanimate objects? I’ve read a bunch of articles about the advanced sex robots that’ve been invented, so maybe human-object unions aren’t actually so far away. I bet the longevity rate would be higher than it is for human-on-human relationships.

Here is a list of inanimate objects I would marry if it was possible:

  1. Pizza
  2. Coffee
  3. Butter 
  4. Spinach (If history tells us anything, spinach and I would divorce within minutes. At least I’ll try.)
  5. Chunky orthopedic wooden glitter platform heels (My DREAM clunkers…yet to be designed)
  6. Ice cream sundae-scented candles
  7. Money
  8. Money money moneyyyyy


Because of my true personality, I would eventually divorce all those other inanimate objects and marry money for good. What can I say, I was BORN to love da cash. Also, I can buy that other stuff anytime I want it when I’m married to money. HA. Game hack. Genius.

Something sweet about the old blog is the fact that I drew many of these sketches long before I decided to go to art school. The doodles are just a guttural urge to get ideas down on paper. I hadn’t ever been critiqued, and wasn’t drawing to complete an assignment or follow the rules.

These days, I’m a fashion school drop-out. Woo hoo! BUT I didn’t leave before taking a giant handful of flashionable classes. I KNOW you won’t be able to sleep tonight unless I give ya a peak of today’s doodles (tomorrow’s joke fodder). Here are a couple of chicas I whipped up today while I was supposed to be tutoring – inspired, once again, buy the “high-waisted-wuddup-Marilyn” look:


All together now:


On The Great Wall of China:


In Moscow:


And now, I have hooked you, because you must be wondering: is this girl in cahoots with Putin? Is she in bed with the enemy? Is she a sexy-slutty-spy woman?

Check back next week for the answers.




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